On Being a Psychopath – A Bit of Personal Honesty: Part 1

11:31am

Have you ever met someone new and immediately sized them up? I’m sure you have. Why do you do it? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Many haven’t and some know instinctively why they do it.

You have most likely sized people up before, but have you ever done it as a psychopath would? When I meet someone new, which is quite often in my line of work, I not only size them up, but I automatically gain control over them in my mind. How? I kill them.

Yes yes, it sounds rather barbaric. That’s the point. There are no better feelings than those of a primal nature. Vanquishing ones enemies brings about the highest satisfaction. In case you’re asking yourself if I see everyone as my enemy, the answer is yes. You and everyone else are analogous to the people within the Matrix. You can become agents of my destruction at any time, so why should I pretend the opposite? Why should I trust you? But make no mistake, I have no superiority complex, as I have no feelings of inferiority to hide from anyone. I am superior. If not in all ways, then in most. I know that I’m not the strongest man, nor the fastest, but I do not feel inferior because, in the end, it is brains that matter. No matter how strong or swift you may be, if I am smarter, I have the upper hand. This is what I satisfy in my mind whenever I meet someone. In my mind, I own you. I can do anything I want with you; mock you, ridicule you, crush you, torture you, and yes, even kill you. When I am staring into your eyes while speaking or listening to you babble on about what your cat did last Sunday, I am relishing the satisfaction that comes from knowing I own you now. I am standing triumphantly with one foot propped atop your dying breast knowing that you are vanquished by my hand.

Sound bad? Don’t worry. I am not the murderous type. Sure, I get angry, but who doesn’t. I lose my temper very quickly, sometimes at the slightest provocation, and I have no real sense of patience. That I do struggle with because it does not serve me well in public. This is simply a mental activity that I exercise on a daily basis. It does not have to be someone new, to be completely honest, it could be anyone. Show up at my door and break my concentration on my work and I may just imagine killing you. If I am bored in a meeting, I’ll play events out in my mind that are similar. It is just my way of replenishing my Narcissistic Supply. A shot of heroine in the vein that soothes me for a while. In a way, I am my own perpetual motion machine in that I create my own supply where others seem to need to obtain it solely from others’ through accolades or sympathy as if they suffer from some sort of Munchhausen’s Syndrome.

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On Being a Psychopath – A Bit of Personal Honesty: Part 1

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